Been lurking here for a bit but finally decided to post.
I've noticed a big difference between platforms that moderate actively and those that don't. The ones that skip it become unusable within a few months.
The free tiers on most of what I've tried are basically useless — you get just enough to see real people are there, then hit a wall the moment you try to message anyone.
Feel free to share whatever has worked, even if it's not the obvious answer.