Finally gave up googling and decided to ask people with real experience.
The main problem I keep running into is not knowing who to trust or where to start. There's a ton of conflicting advice out there and half of it feels like it's from people who want to sell you something.
I've noticed a big difference between platforms that moderate actively and those that don't. The ones that skip it become unusable within a few months.
Would really appreciate any honest takes from people who've actually tried different options.